Friday 2 June 2023. Five weeks earlier, Connor Roberts had lifted the JD Welsh Cup with The New Saints. But his whole world was about to fall apart as his father Stuart passed away after a battle with mental health.
“My father was an inspiration to a lot of people locally,” Roberts says. “He managed to play professionally in the game and then to me there’s that cliche of being a hero but he was exactly that.
“He had a huge impact on my football career. He could never actually watch any of the big games. He could never watch, he was an absolute nervous wreck and I completely understand why now.
“Unfortunately he hit depression, he hit low mood where he did struggle with lack of confidence. His anxiety was heightened. His guilt was heightened. That’s all natural when you’re in depression and people, I think, relate to ‘what the hell is happening to me’ but that’s all normal.”
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Since his father’s passing, Roberts has experienced his own struggles with mental health while dealing with grief.
But the goalkeeper admits that his problems would not have been obvious to most people around him, highlighting the hidden battles that many face on a day-to-day basis.
“I’ve probably had two or three tough, tough episodes, scary episodes in fact, and you’re just not yourself, you’re not thinking clearly. You do feel like something’s took over your body but it’s important to just drive and be around people that will support you.
“You would never guess that I was going through what I’ve been going through but that means anybody can be having a bit of a rough time.
“I’m not over that yet, I’m nowhere near over that yet. This is a journey, this is a rollercoaster and it simply hasn’t finished.
“Whoever listens to this interview, you don’t need to worry about me because I’ve got a brilliant support network but I’m just saying I’m nowhere near out of the journey and I understand there’s ups and downs throughout this.”
Roberts’ father watched him lift multiple trophies, but his passing meant that he was not able witness one of the goalkeeper’s career highlights – qualifying for the League Phase of the 2024/25 UEFA Conference League.
In doing so, TNS became the first JD Cymru Premier club to reach that stage of a major European competition, with Roberts going on to feature against the likes of Fiorentina and Panathinaikos and in a historic win over Astana. He finished the League Phase with more saves than any other goalkeeper.
“I am a huge believer that he would’ve been watching the European games but they were extremely tough I must say,” Roberts admits.
“Craig [Harrison, TNS manager] will vouch for this, I probably broke down after every single European game unfortunately, just because you wish he could be there live in the flesh to witness it and go through that experience with me.”
Roberts says that his father’s passing took its toll on his playing career and in February he confirmed his intention to retire at the end of the season.
The 32-year-old signed off in the best possible way, as helped TNS secure their first domestic treble – the JD Cymru Premier, JD Welsh Cup and Nathaniel MG Cup – since 2016.
“I wanted to make my father proud every single time I stepped on the pitch and when you lose that impact, I just feel like not what’s the point but that I’m not doing it for the reasons that I want to,” Roberts said, explaining his retirement. “I kind of want that chapter to finish and begin my own chapter in terms of coaching.
“I want him to stay with me, of course, but I’ve told my councillor and professional people around me that once I do finish and retire I will feel like something releases so I’m hoping that does happen and that I do find peace within myself and that can help me get over this journey.
“Unfortunately I lost my father but I’m so grateful that I’ve also experienced mental health, if that makes sense, because I can relate that back to the kids that I end up coaching.
“Football at the beginning [after he died] was that release but now it’s not quite releasing the stress that I feel towards life itself.”
As his mental health journey continues, Roberts says he deploys different techniques to help him cope with feelings of depression and anxiety.
“The one thing that I will take from what I’ve learnt, and I have seeked professional help, is that this will pass. It’s only a temporary feeling of feeling down and feeling depressed.
“Continue to do things where you feel like time goes really fast because that’s when you know you’re enjoying yourself. There’s that saying ‘time flies when you’re having fun’ so the more moments that you can spend and more activities you can involve yourself in doing that then definitely go for those.
“I think it’s completely natural to go through the things that you are going through and trust me if you are experiencing low mood and depression then you’re certainly not the only person out there that’s feeling like that.
“But again, try and put yourself back into good habits, healthy habits, activities that you really love doing. I’m sure it will get better, there’s brighter days ahead.”
